Draft for I- Search Paper

                                                      ADOPTION THEN AND NOW

                                                           Eng.101,College Composition
                                                              November 13,2012
                                                                  John Goldfine

TABLE OF CONTENTS:
Summary...........iii
History..............3
Why...................4
What..................5
Search................6
Learned.............7
Future................8
Sources..............9


                                                      SUMMARY:

   I chose the subject of adoption because it is a very personal one for me.I am adopted and am also a birth-parent.With this in mind I thought I had a lot to offer this subject.As I researched I discovered I also; had a lot to learn about my chosen topic.


                                                       HISTORY:    

   I  was a well loved child with adoptive parents and a brother who was a biological child to my adoptive parents.My relationship with my adoptive mother was very open and I always knew I was adopted.She told me she loved me often and was very good to me.Still I always was very much aware how different I was.I didn't look like anyone in my family.My personality was completely opposite from theirs.When you're blond with green eyes,fair skin  and a huge personality its hard to miss how different that is compared to black hair,medium skins and very quiet, reserved personalities.

                                                          WHY:

    "Curiosity killed the cat."I use that saying because curiosity is what really has brought me to i-search this topic.I leave the other half of the saying out because I'm not sure if there will be any "satisfaction."As any adopted child I have always wondered certain things about my birth family.Mainly I suppose my birth mother.Deeper than that however; I wonder what  the process was then and how it has evolved to today's standards of adoption.I search this for perhaps a deeper understanding of myself,my adopted family,my birth family and both my roles as adopted daughter and birth mother to a young woman.

                                                       WHAT I KNOW:

1.  I know that in the days of my own adoption (1973) they were closed private matters with little to no information given to any of the parties involved.
2.  I know that orphanages were huge and used often.
3.  I know in most cases birth mothers were not even permitted to see or say goodbye to their babies.
4.  I know it was very hush,hush even the lawyers involved spoke very little of their cases.
5.  I know there was often much desperation on both sides.

                                                    WHAT I DON'T KNOW:

1. What were the laws for adoption between 1973 and 2002 in Missouri?
2. What were the ramifications  for young,unwed mothers wanting to put their babies up for adoption before it was "acceptable" to even be unmarried and pregnant?
3. When did we move  from hush,hush closed adoptions to open acceptable adoptions?
4. How did the legalization of abortion changed the views on adoption?(both in society and for pregnant women)
5. How many woman were forced to give up their babies when in fact that's not what they wanted to do?

                                                     THE SEARCH:

        I began this search believing that my two best sources were going to be the internet and people.The internet certainly did have a lot to offer.It was actually more of a task to figure out what to use from the internet and what to let go.I found invaluable information and more than one heart breaking story.Using people for my search proved to be much more difficult than I thought it would be.My adoptive mother was helpful and understanding to what I was doing.She gave me the information of her experience in adopting me and also; caring for so many foster babies and being rejected to adopt one of them.His name was Brian and he was three years old when he left our family to be adopted.I was six and I will never forget that day.But hearing my mother tell it from her perspective broke my heart.I actually cried.She was so heart broken.In the 1970's in the state of Missouri  a family was only allowed to adopt one child and they had already adopted me.She wanted to keep Brian so much, it was  soon after that my mother stopped fostering children.I think it hurt her to much.

         I was planning on using information from my own birth daughter and her adoptive parents also.This plan did not work out for me.We have always had an open adoption and relationship.Attending weddings together,traveling to see my birth daughter perform in dance recitals,showing them around when they came to Maine,spending an entire week when my daughter Grace was a baby just so my birth daughter,Madeline and Grace could bond.These relationships have continued all these years.(Madeline is 20 years old)Until October when out of the blue she informs me I never wanted her and she wants nothing to do with me.Needless to say I was more than a little dumbfounded and hurt.She acted as if we'd never met.Her adoptive mother,Maryanne, did offer the words that Madeline was very stressed out right now with school and "going through some growing."These words weren't very helpful for me but she's very young and I have hope she'll come back around.

                                                   WHAT I LEARNED:

1. What were the laws for adoption in Missouri between 1973 and 2002? I learned that the laws for adoption in the state of Missouri were once some of the strictest in the nation.They allowed birth mothers no time with their newborns.Basically just ripping them away once birthed.(Cruel if you ask me!)Also the birth mothers could name their child,first name only,but were not allowed to ask anything about where they were going or to whom.Some left written notes that they hoped would one day be read by their birth child.They never really knew if they received the notes.
2. What were the ramifications for young,unmarried mothers wanting to put their babies up for adoption?The ramifications were more emotional than legal.They in a sense were shunned.Made to keep the adoption and in several cases the pregnancy also,secret.They often were sent away to finish their pregnancies and give birth.Then appearing back home as if they had been away to school or on vacation.Avery isolating situation and leaving empty,lonely feelings that some never fully recovered from.
3. When did our society move from closed hush,hush adoptions to more of an open acceptance of adoptions?Although; my search was really for 1973 to 2002 I found that many years before that adoptions occurred between families as common practice.It was a way to keep the child still within it's "rightful" family.It was very common for the actual birth mother to live within the same house and the child to believe they were their sibling or aunt.More into the time frame I was looking at they were done to strangers.Although they never met each other,large amounts of money exchanged hands and it was common for letters to be sent from the birth mothers.It was also; more trusted by this time that the letters would reach the child when they came of age.
4. How did the legalization of abortion change adoption views?It had an impact in the sense that women now could choose not to go through the "ordeal" of adoption.For some they believed abortion would be easier and they had no moral issues forbidding  it so to many women abortion actually became the "better" choice.They thought it avoided all the social and law issues of adoption and the commitment they felt they'd have if they chose adoption.Therefore; initial adoption rates went way down.As time went on adoption rates evened back out and even went back up to pre- abortion days.I think women realized there were plenty of issues with abortion also.
5. Were woman forced to give up babies when that's not what they wanted to do?I did find some horrifying stories of women having their babies  ripped away from them.What I did't expect was that in more than a dozen cases it was husbands forcing these adoptions and not allowing their wives to keep the baby.In most of these cases it was due to MR or illness of the child.And in that time they took the babies away and put the in institutions for their entire lives.(I can not imagine doing such a thing!)

             
                                                         THE FUTURE:

            I hope that in the future that adoption becomes even more acceptable and open.I don't believe the people that are involved in adoptions get the understanding from the outside world even in society today that they deserve.The people that are in a position to need to put a child up for adoption are not all drugged out worthless high school drop outs with no future and it's time people lay off of that stereotype.For the most part they are often scared,young people that don't want to have an abortion and know they can't be a parent right now.They love their unborn child and are grateful to the people that support them.
              The people that adopt these children should be applauded.Applauded for putting aside trivial things like hair color and height to see whats really of value.For opening their minds,hearts and homes to children that only need to be loved and in  return will love them unconditionally.
              And for the biggest part of the future I hope I look at a family photo and see the blond hair,green eyed girl with the big personality standing next to the the dark haired,brown eyed,quiet woman and proudly think-Nope mom we look nothing alike and our voices sound totally different.Thanks for raising me and loving me because I love you so much and I wouldn't want it any other way!

                                                  BIBLIOGRAPHY:

Wikipedia- The Free Encyclopedia - website- www.wikipedia.com  11/13/2012
   The site gives in depth history from middle ages to contemporary times on many forms of adoption.

Kansas City Adoption Law FAQ- PA Kenney W.,-website - www.kansascityadoptionlawfaq.com 11/13/2012
       This site has lists of the most asked questions concerning all forms of adoption

Adoption Network Law Center- Adopting.org-www.adoptionnetwork.com 11/13/2012
       This site is mostly a site leaned towards birth parents and the emotional impact of adoption

Ann Lozano- adopteed mother and foster mother to many-personal interview -over several days and times 
          Had great insight to adopted parents feelings and process during and after




      

     

       

    

                                                   




                  

Process Essay

              I could hear the crying in the dark,cold night.Where the heck was it coming from though?As I walk further I see several large,wild looking cats up high on a tin roof looking down.As I get closer the crying becomes louder.As I look down I see where the crying is coming from.It was a shaking,shivering, crying kitten not nearly old  enough to be on its own.I swoop down and pick up this poor creature.I put the kitten inside my coat and glare up at the bigger cats. It  won't be left here for their enjoyment now I think.As I walk with this pitifull kitten in my coat back to my house I wonder how I will care for it.
             By the time I get back to my house with this little creature she's wailing to beat hell.For a being thats no bigger than a cell phone it certainly could wake up an entire town with its crying.Oh boy what do I do now?Awww...my friend Gayle.Perfect.She rescues cats for a living.She will know what to do.So,I give her a call.
             Once Gayle gets my call she heads over.She brings with her all the necessary "supplies."A very tiny bottle and nipple,evaporated milk,some sweet syurp to add, a blanket and a special soap.Good Lord its like bringing a baby home from the hospital!First trying to feed her.(By now we'd figured out shes a girl)It took a bit to get the hang of feeding this wild,fierce little baby.She grabbed the bottle ,fiercly scrapping at the bottle with her very sharp little claws and sucking for all she was worth.She sucked the bottle down in nothin flat and snoozed off to sleep.Aww...silence.
             Once the pint sized wailer woke up it was time for a bath.Gayle had said when their very young like this they don't normally mind the water.God how I was hopping that was true.Okay,baby luke warm water,special shampoo gently get her wet.Oh boy and here starts the wailing.She really doesn't seem to mind the bath,rather she seems to like it.I wrap her in a towel and get her all fluffy dry.Awww...so cute.
             Now Gayle informs me I need to "stimulate" this little girl to get her to do her bussiness.Oh great this gets better and better.Usually she says mother cats would lick them to do this but seein how she has no feline mother....So, I did it.Over the sink of course!Kitten pee running down my hand,crying in my ear I think what in Gods name have I gotten myself into?
             My family and I continued all these routines for several weeks.Feeding our new kitten three times a day,bathing at least twice a day and "stimulating every three to four hours.Several weeks into it she was still no bigger than a peanut.Hence our youngest daughter named her Peanut.This tiny crying kitten has grown into a warm, lovely,Maine Coon with a great temperment.She also seems to have an understanding with me,as if she knows I saved her.Always laying with me and purring.I'm so glad I searched  out that sound that cold night and learned and did all I had to, to care for her.I couldn't imagine my life or my familys home without her. 

Process Essay Intro

                        I could hear the crying in the dark,cold night.Where was it coming from though?As I walk further I see several large,wild looking cats up high on a tin roof looking down.As I get closer the crying gets much louder.As I look down I see where the crying was coming from.It was a shaking,tiny kitten not nearly old enough to be on its own.I swoop down and pick up this poor,sad creature.I put the kitten in my coat and glare up at the bigger cats.This baby animal will no longer be here for you're amusement,I think to myself as I stare at the hungry looking cats on the roof.As I start to walk with this kitten I wonder how I will care for her.

Timed Effect Essay

                      Marrige or the single life?These are two very complicated roads everyone in life must decide on at some point.After all both roads have there perks and pitfalls.For some people the idea of marrige has always been thier choice.They stand in front of mirrors pretending to be brides planning that day from the time they are little girls.For others the meer mention of marrige sends them running for the hills.Of course lifes roads are never straight, they get windy,with huge hills,new avenues and exits you never thought you'd take.My favorite road was always clear to me in this area until about 27 years old when a sharp turning curve through me completly onto a new interstate.
                    Marrige.For a very long time that word was enough to make me want to vomit and hide.I was always the one to say ,"Oh no,no,no no, not me!"If you'd seen the inside of my parents marrige the way I did it would be clear why I felt that way.The arguing,the deciet,the affairs,the lying,the long silences that made you wish you were deaf.I saw no good coming from that institution.The only things I could see coming from any marrige was a long dragged out divorce and a lot of fighting.The effect of this on me was monumental.I was never getting married.I did not want to end up miserable just because I had a moment of seeing someone through rose colored glasses.Somehow though rose became a beautiful color later down the road.
                   Living free and on my own terms.Awww yes this would be my road I always had thought.So much simpler.I would live in a high rise apartment over looking the city's millions of lights at night with pale colors throughout my place and glass furniture.No room for another human being.Come and go as I please do as only I wish.After watching years of bickering I was ready for this life and only this life.Some girls dream of their wedding day I dreamed of move in day.
                 That rose color became very bright to me suddenly,unexpected almost like having cold water poured over you're head when your eyes are closed.Of course the cold water was my husband.And all of the sudden I began to see that marrige could be good,loving and a real partnership.Huh,funny how strongly you can feel about something,how the effects can drasticly change you and yet still you can find yourself going down the very road you thought was closed forever.
               For 27 years the effects of  my parents marrige road had me steering and speeding towards an entirely different path.And yet still I ended up on that very road.I believe it goes to show that no matter how hard we try to change the things in our life that effected us the most it is still the most familiar road.So wiether you are looking for the road or not it somehow swings sharp to the left and cuts you off at the pass.They say that the experiences in you're life make you who you are but I think the effect of those experiences have impacted who I am much, much more.