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Tuesday, September 25, 2012

I- Search Why I'm Writing Revised

                         I have many reasons for writing on this subject.There are many questions involved some may be answered some may not."Where did my ancestors come from?"Do I have a personality like any of my birth family?""Did my birthmother like to write as much as I do?"These are the type of questions that may not be answered in a paper.They are personal and not facts to look up for research.Thats why I feel there are almost two seperate papers within one topic.You have the personal sided questions then you have the more legal,factual ones; such as,"What did the court system allow for information?" "Where birthparents even allowed to hold thier babies?" "How did people react to adoption as a society?"There are so many sides of this topic.I want to explore all sides of this coin to dig deep into the views and minds of society as a  whole on some level.I am hoping there is a great deal of care and dignity  in the early years of adoption.Sadly my gut says otherwise.I am feeling a bit like an Egyptian anthropologist digging deeper and deeper into the dirt and hoping beyond hope to find a diamond in the rough.

Graff 14 - Research plan

                     My plan of writing my paper is going to have to start with sorting through information.Narrowing the topic down.I plan on looking through web sites for Missouri adoptions from 1973 to 1992.I thought  this gives me a time period to work within that helps narrow the field a little.I'm also; old school so I'm sure a library will be in there.Looking for books of sories about adoptions that took place through that period.I'm thinking cutting it down to a handful of laws that were crucial to adoption then would be better than trying to sort through all of the laws.Also; for the personal side of things I may interview my own adopted mother for that aspect and send my birthdaughter and her parebts a questionare.Asking things that held them up,kept then up at night and maybe why choosing adoption was good for them.In Missouri at the time of my bithdaughters adoption birthparents had three years to take childern back no questions asked, I would like thier feeling on that.I'm sure I will get this narrowed  down with time and research.

What I already know questions

             
   How do you find an adoption attorney?
          You can simply look them up in the phone book if you choose.I think a better way would be to speak with people you know that could help you.
  How do you find perspective parents for your unborn baby?
          There are plenty of sites out there today to be matched up.If you already have an attorney they usually have a list of potential people.Of course it also depends on what type of adoption your looking for,open or closed.
  How do you decide what type of adoption you want?
           This a very personal and difficult question.Open is great for free flow of information but it can also be extremly hard.You have to take into account you will be watching this person grow up with no say in thier life decisions.Closed has its on set of issues.No real knowing of what kind of person this babies coming from.I mean lets be honest adoption agencies have been known to fudge the truth.
 If you choose open how "open"do you want it?
           This may seem a strange question but believe me I know how relevant it becomes.Only health information,birthday cards,invites to gatherings?The list is endless.only the people involved in the adoption can answer this question its personal and varies greatly.
 If you choose "closed" how much written information are you going to provide for adoptive parents?
            This is  crucial I believe.To not inform perspective parents of serious health risks including a family history of mental illness or cancer is in my opion immoral.If you had your child naturally you would know.You have a right to know.Some people want to walk away and cut all ties.Some people want to leave a letter for that child for when thier grown,some people are ok with being contacted when the child is of age others are not.I knew I could not do a closed adoption myself.
  Are you ready for the questions from the child?(As an adoptive parent or birth one)
            This must be considered before the adoption takes place.And you are never ready!I have an open adoption with  my birthdaughter Madeline (who I named)I  have been to her dance recitals,dinners at her home and even weddings she's always known who I am.I still got the call on her 18th birthday with questions I guess she never thought she could ask before.And I still wasn't ready.I got off the phone a crying mess.Open is hard not for everyone.
  How much has adoption changed?
            There was a day when open adoption was not a phrase.Only closed hush, hush adoptions.I think the've changed a lot.People seem less suprised than they did twenty years ago by the term.More people even think its a good idea.
  Will I be able to get my facts and personal points across in this paper?
            I really believe I will.It will take a lot but it will be worth it in the end.
 

Revised Intro Graff

                           As I waited outside in the dark cold night I was going to call it a night.Going to go to my new home here in Bangor, Maine.As I slide into the back of this foreign cab I rattled off the address.The second the cab driver pulled up I  knew that this  was not the correct address.This place was not an older white apartment.It was a large parking lot with a very long line outside of people waiting to get inside.I'd already paid the driver so I figured go in see whats going on.As I stood outside in line I noticed two things, one I still couldn't understand a word anyone was saying and two my teeth were the only ones chattering.Wrong address yes, adventure yes.And I couldn't wait to get inside.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Outro

                              I had started the night with a wrong address and ended with managing to do something I'd never done.I asked a man to dance.Granted I really didn't wait for an answer but he followed known the less.And when he said sweetheart well it was not only the first word I had understood since hitting the state of Maine but with that accent I was staying near by.I didn't care if I understood any other word I would just say,"Please say sweetheart again."

Graff 13 Reaction to cause essays

                           I really liked the essay about the eight year old being a chicken.I laughed and laughed.Maybe its because I  once was that eight year at the recital or maybe its because I watch my own kids now at theirs.Either way it had a great intro line and it was written well.

Intro 2

                    I walked into this place I'd never been.Crazy lights,loud music and not a soul I could understand through thier thick Maine accents.So I just ordered a beer and nodded a lot mainly because I had no idea what anyone was saying.As I looked around I thought this is where a wrong address will bring you!

Intro 1

                        I wasn't from the area so when I got in the cab and gave him a different address I figured what the hell?See where it leads.It lead me into a noisy,crowed enviroment I never would have knowingly gone in too.But hey,few drinks wrong address whats the worst that could happen?

Graff 12 - Place

                    I steeped off the elevator onto the beach.The soft white sand ,the blue ocean water and the warm plentiful sun beaming down.The air was warm and salty and the scene was breath taking.Nothing to see but beatiful miles of sand and blue sky that seemed to go on forever.Thier were people behind me to my right on the patio dressed casual in shorts and T- shirts.These were people I'd never met older people retired perhaps sucking up the fresh air and watching us.The birds flying overhead so bright with red,blue and yellow so tropical looking.And as I stop I look over to see this handsome,beaming man.Dressed in tan pants with a white shirt with eyes more blue than the ocean before us.And as I stand soaking in all the beautiful things before me  the most beautiful of all is before me my soon to be husband.We are standing in the sand of Maderia Beach ,Florida and at that moment all the beauty around us seems like perfection.The sand and sound of the waves welcome us into marrige.

Graff 11 Real Life Research

                      I could hear the crying in the dark,cold night.Where was it coming from though?As I walk I see several cats up high on a roof looking down.As I get closer the crying becomes louder.As I look down I  see where the crying was coming from.It was a shaking,crying kitten not nearly old enough to be on its own.I swoop down and pick up this poor creature.I put her inside my coat and look up at the older bigger cats.I am sure this poor sad kitten was going to be their dinner or play thing.
                      As I walk back towards my house with this crying kitten in my coat I wonder how I'm going to take care of her.She is not old enough to eat on her own, she's no bigger than a large cell phone.So,I make a phone call to a friend of mine that rescues animals.She informs me this kitten has to be bottle fed at least every three hours,bathed and "stimulated" to know how to pee.Oh boy that last parts gonna be fun!
                    I got all the supplies needed thanks to my friend dropping by.It took a bit to get the hang of feeding this little creature.She was wild with tiny fierce paws scraping at the bottle and sucking for all she was worth.Now for the peeing and bathing part.Turns out it doesn't take a lot of "stimlation" to get the little thing to go.The bath was easier than I thought.She actually seemed to like it.Dried with a towel full with milk the crying finnally began to die down and her little eyes closed.
                  I and my family continued all these routines for several weeks.Today this little kitten is named Peanut and is still with us.I'm so glad I went to search out the noise that night.I couldn't imagine our home without our little Peanut today.

Friday, September 14, 2012

I-Search Why Im Writing

                      I have many reasons for writng on my subject.I am writing to expose the history and feelings of adoption.I also am writng to answer questions for myself .Deep historical questions and personal feeling ones.To see what I can learn and what I  can teach and show to others.To explore the deepths of our society as a whole.How our views have changed on this subject.How it was once so secretive and now seems to be so much more open.The under tone effects on the adopted childern,adoptive parents and birthparents.How they are all truely intertwined but yet the feelings are on such different levels.Since I am on both sides of the coin I am hoping to explore both sides of feeling within myself.I'm sure there will be feelings to be found that I didn't know I had.

Person Graff #10

                     Her she comes again.No smile no expression,there never was a hint of emotion on her face.Though I knew by now if she was walking your way it wasn't good.She never came to simply say hello or ask how your day was going.Nope she had something to complain about,bitch about or simply wanted your day to suck too.This was the type of boss that made you dread the walk towards you.She came from no where in your bright cheerful day and knocked  you down like a tornado on a war path towards your house.She would ask you a question which was a trick because no matter what your answer she was always right.And she'd tell you on many occasion,"I'm usually right."And for much of the time you bite your tongue while under your breath saying,"No your not."Until the one fateful day you've had enough.The last walk into the negative ones office was one to remember.On that day I'd had enough and I felt as if I was speaking for all co-workers.I went in with guts of glory but as I sat in the chair in front of this emotionless human being I began to shrink.I thought to myself don't lose your nerve now everyones counting on you.So I took a deep breath  and let her have it.I told her the reason moral is so low is because you treat people as if they are childern and not educated adults and peers of yours.If you had more positive things to say once in awhile productivity would be better and moral would be up.As I was saying these things I was also planning my trip to the unemployment line.To my suprise she stared at me stood up shook my hand and said,"Thank you for the input."I nearly fainted on the spot.As I walked out of the office I felt empowered for all of us and the next day she actually smiled in the hallways.

I-Search background

                          The subject I have chosen is a very personal one.It started in Harrisonville,Missouri in December 1973.It really started with a young 17 year old girl I've never met.A young person who gave life to a new baby.A baby she would never know.Considering abortion was made legal in 1973 I always found it intersting that this young girl chose the adoption route.A much more complicated route.All I can think is in some way she loved that baby,she loved me.Because you see my subject is adoption.I was taken to a foster home at three days old.The woman that was my foster mother would later be so much more.I was a very sick baby enduring eye surgery,brain surgery and bladder surgery all by three years old.And this foster mother boy she stood by me this sick little baby that really had no one.By the time the surgery was done at three my birthmother finally signed the papers and my foster mother  was able to adopt me as her own.My adopted mother is a kind woman that gave me unconditional love and never treated me any less her daughter than if she had birthed me herself.I love her with all my heart.But I believe there is always curiosity.Where did my anscetors come from?Who do I look like?Do I have a personality like any of my birth family?Did my birthmother like to write as much as I do?Then there are the tougher questions.What legally occured back then?Would I find out some horrible thing?Where they thoughtful and kind to all parties involved?I suppose these are questions to be researched for the I-search paper.There are deep seeded reasons for me to choose this subject as you can see.My hope is that I answer questions and open people's eyes to myself and the evolution of adoption.

Object Graff #9

                       It is older now the words and numbers on it barely visible.To anyone else it looks as if it should be in the garbage.To me I see more than that old hospital wristband cracking at the seams I see a fight and life because of it.I see in my mind the years of struggle,the nights unable to sleep choking on tears.I hear the conversations with doctors saying its one in ten thousand don't be disappointed don't get your hopes up.I hear the words of my beloved husband saying it will be okay try again.I feel my heart break off piece by piece day after day.I curse the conditions that have brought me to such dispair.And as I feel I have no more fight can take no more disappointment I hear my husband say again one more time honey one more.One month passed after my husband said that for the last time.It was the middle of the night nad I was happier than I'd ever been.I ran through the house turning on lights and waking my sleeping husband scearming,"It worked.I'm pregnant!"After so many years and so much pain I felt God had finally listened to me.Of course the doctor was much more cautious with her words."You may not make it through this.The baby may not make it.I want you in bed.I want you to be prepared."Of course all I could say was," Yup yup we are gonna be great!"The doctor  was right.It was a fight everyday.You've never seen a person so very sick and so happy in spite of it.Finally the doctor  said enough I want you in the hospital til this baby comes.That was a long month for me.Of course I had almost two more monthes of prenancy left but the baby couldn't wait that long.So at three a.m I called my husband and said,"She's coming!Hurry!"And the proudest father you've ever seen showed up with his "Worldest Greatest Dad t-shirt on." I remember the doctors saying to my husband,"Her blood pressure is very high be perpared your wife could have a stroke."Some hours later the person they doubted would ever come to be was in my arms.Early,small and fragile but with a fight in her just like her mother.We named her Grace for she came by the Grace of God in my eyes.And today she is still a fighter the one that never gives up.So you see that old cracked hospital band means nothing to anyone but to me it means dreams do come true and sometimes the best things are worth the fight.

Reaction to I-Search samples Graf# 8

                          I see people have a wide variety of subjects they write about for thier
I-Search.The fact that thier was not format made it a little difficult to follow.It also made me wonder do you want titles like that?If a paper is written correctly should it really need titles of introduction,summeries etc.?Or should it just flow along?I found the paper on Geneology most intersting.Having to do with family trees and where you come from was more along the lines of my subject.I thought it was very informative.It also made me ask more questions about my own paper.Other than narrowing it down to a state how else can I narrow it down?How many questions can I really answer in my I -Search?As you can see it really made me think and wonder.Part of me now thinks,"Oh boy what did I do to myself?"Of course the other half thinks that with a laugh.The examples although they gave me ideas they also left so many more questions than answers.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Graff # 7 I Search brainstorm ?'s and ideas

        Brain storming this topic could be considered a lite firecracker.There are many questions and ideas floating around.I will try to stay focused and just list the questions.
  1. How long has adoption been around in our country?
  2. Was it an underground bussiness at one time?
  3. Were the people involved banished cast aside as if they were less than?
  4. What information if any did adoptive parents recieve?
  5. What information were adoptive childern given about how they came to be?
  6. Were people involved told to lie about how they came about having this child?
  7. Was adoption ever considered a crime in this country?
  8. Were there ever people arrested or worse done to them for being involved in an adoption?
  9. Were the adopted childern meant to feel a part of thier family or made to feel like an outcast?
  10. When was adoption made a legal transaction?
  11. Did the legalization of abortion influence adoption rates?
  12. How did society as a whole treat adoptees and thier adoptive parents?
  13. Were birthmothers sent away to have thier babies in secret?
  14. Did birthmothers have the choice to hold or meet their babies?
  15. Did they have the option to leave written notes for thier birth childern?
  16. Did the adoptive parents give these notes to the childern?(As I write that question I realize it was probably a personal decision and depended on the family's feelings)
  17. Did the ideas and feelings differ from state to state and coast to coast or was there a general feeling throughout the country?
  18. How many of those childern chose to look for thier birthparents?
  19. How many of the adoptive parents supported them looking and how many did not?
  20. How did adoption evolve into "open adoptions" of today?
  21. Are the childern of open adoptions better off than those of closed adoption?
  22. What do the majority of birthparents feel about their birthchildern years later?
  23. How did orphanages impact adoption?
  24. How many childern if any had attachment issues do to an adoption?
  25. Would a birthparent do it again knowing what they know years later?
         I could offer more and more questions but it would probably never end.I'm not sure if all these questions can be answered in a paper or even if they all need to be.But I'm certain that some can,all should be explored and that there are plenty of hidden rocks in the bend.

Graff # 6 Unique

         I love swing music,jazz and blues old music most people my age have never heard of.Illove cooking,animals,childern,fires,people watching,talking,writing,all holidays.I am an emotional person .If there's a sappy Hallmark commercial on I'm bound to have tears in my eyes.No matter how old my kids get I tear up when they leave the house.I hate camping which has put me on the outs more than once living in Maine.If there's no inside plumbing I'm not going!I don't like hunting either which puts me at odds with the hubby.I insist on trying year after year to make candy from scratch for Christmas which in ten years has never turned out well.But yet I drag the kids into the kitchen every December and try again.Every year about one a.m I start the whole"Never again,never you hear me?This sucks,nobody can do this!"And every year the kids say,"Yup mom we will see ya here next year!"And sure as hell there'll I'll be!This year of course I have a sure fire candy recipe thats gonna work!

Reaction to I search brainstorm

                   Wow did that make me think.There are so many questions about the topic I chose.It is a wide topic.There is so much to be learned.It makes me think how to knock it down into smaller questions.How to research the questions and not the whole "life" of the subject.I really think its going to be intersting what I find.I do acknowledge it could be quite a bag of worms.I realize there  is probably going to be way more information than I need for this paper.My challenge will be to go through it  realize whats important to the paper and what really isn't needed.I look forward to the challenge.My hope for the paper is that it is informative,inspiring and leaves the reader with information but at the same time with wonder.Wonder as to human nature as a whole.And more importantly asking the reader,"Who am I?Where do I come from?Who's my family?"

I-Search worksheet ?'s

What do you want to write about? I want to write about the history and impact of adoption on our society.
What do you want to find out about your topic? I want to find out how the process of adoption has changed and how society has reacted to the changes.
What are your questions about the topic?
      How has the adoption process changed through the years?How has society changed with it?
      Was adoption back in the day just a end to a meen?Or was there real feelings and thought put in it?
      How did we go from adoptions with no information given to such open adoptions today?Why was it once so taboo?And now in some cases everyone is a big family included in family trees etc.?
How does this topic connect to your life?
     It connects to my life in many ways.I was adopteed in the days of no information.No health history no anything.Then eighteen years later I gave a daughter up for adoption.I chose an open adoption.I have always been known to my birth daughter,even visiting her.And now she's in college we text talk on the phone she speaks to her little sister and is included in our family bible.
Give three reasons you like this topic:
      I like because its so personal to me.
      I like it because there so much to be known.
      I like it because it has had such a great impact on society,culture and acceptance of what a family really is in todays world.Families  are not cardboard cut outs anymore.They are what you make them.Where there is love and acceptance there is family.
Give three reasons your life might change if you answer your questions:
        I may learn more about myself, who I am,where I fit.
        I might learn how come to be here,with openness and acceptance.
        I might not only learn but teach others to accept not judge.To be open to possibilities.And to know that your "cardboard cut out" is ok just the way it is.

Monday, September 3, 2012

Graffi # 4 Reactions take two

                          Reactions to a persons advice is a mixed bag.The first thing I thought was,"Boy I need to read that again!"The advice was sound solid basic advice on the basics of writing.I would have liked a little more specifics but, thats just me.You really seem to be leaving the door wide open to write about things that are close to us personally.I find that much easier and a good place to start.Writing is personal even if you write about a specific topic.I also like thast you have it on a blog and feed back comments.I find the comments helpful and I appericiate them.I do not want to just pass a class to get it behind me,I want to learn,grow and write better.I think your syllabus and the advice will do that.So overall I found it to be very good advice and look forward to learning within it.