Sunday, October 14, 2012
Cause Essay #3 Re-write Intro
As I stood on the cold sidewalk in Bangor,Maine thousands of miles from all I'd ever known I thought of some of the reasons that had brought me here.I remmebered being so sick of the city back home,wanting to escape the past and leave it behind and missing my dear,oldest friend in the whole world so bad that I felt for all of this I had to come here.Now standing here I wondered was I niave and to young to realize what was really important.And was this move just a huge mistake?
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I'd end the graf with the three reasons you were brought to be there, not with those vague questions which mislead the reader.
ReplyDeleteTo hook the reader: actually describe the sidewalk, the place, the scene and the place thousands of miles away that was all you had ever known.