As I stood in the cold night air, on streets I'd never known, I could not help but remember this all started with a bet.One hundred dollars,very small bet for such a long move.At twenty-five I felt I was ready.I knew why I was here,but, still wondered why I would stay.
Still pondering my question I got into the yellow cab that had finnally shown up for me.I slide in rattled off the address and off we went down dark unfamiliar roads.After fifteen minutes or so the driver stopped.He said something which I could not understand,as I had not understood a word anyone had said since hitting the state of Maine from Missouri.I noticed this was not my new apartment in Bangor,Maine.This looked more like a club with a long line of people standing outside waiting to get in.I thought a moment and decided to pay the driver and get out anyway.
I stood in the line with voices I could not understand shivering in the cold.If September is always this cold,I thought, I'll never make it here.As I finnally got through the club doors I saw hoards of people,lights flashing and heard plenty of loud music.I went to the bar and pointed to a beer , no one here could understand me any better than I could them.I stood looking around when suddenly someone caught my eye.He was leaning against a wall with a small group of people leaning close to hear one of them speak.Something told me I had to met him.After all I could always go home and never see this person again so whats the worst that could happen?
I mustarded up the courage walked right up asked him to dance,of which he did not understand me, nor I him.I grabbed his hand and he followed.We danced and when the song was over he said something to me of which I smiled and nodded.I couldn't understand a word he was saying.Until he said,"I'll just call you sweetheart."He must have been trying to ask me my name before.Still I understood sweetheart and had never heard it sound like that!
We talked and talked for hours.He spoke slowly and I asked him to repeat a lot of things but it was a great conversation known the less.At the beginning of the night I knew why I was in Maine and at the end of the night I kew why I was gonna stay.
Its been thirteen years now and I'm still here and the first person I ever understood here is the same one I'm still with all these years later.And I still love the way he says sweetheart.
In a cause essay you give three reasons for something, and you detail them in grafs 2/3/4. I see that you are generally explaining how you met your sweetheart, but that is not the same as a cause essay, and it isn't really explaining the why of anything so much as just telling a good story.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if there's anything here to build on but you definitely need a rewrite. But don't rewrite immediately--first, show me a new intro, one where you lay out three reasons for something.